I hate my stupid stomach. I wonder when I'll actually be able to fall asleep.

Chris was in the hospital. He had a seizure--his first one ever. He's doing okay now, but they're going to run a bunch of tests and he might have to have surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with him...I'm glad he's okay.

I was sick Monday. I've been trying to get a good 8 hours of sleep so I don't get stupidly ill where I can't sleep because of/wake up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach cramps. And I lost my medication today, because I'm a dumb ass. I have no idea where it is. Hence, b/c of the whole stomach shit, I've been going to bed at nine like a wuss. But at least this way, I'm asleep by ten. I feel actually good when I wake up, which is more important than the last hour I'd spend doing who knows what.

I can't find my cookbooks which is annoying. I hate moving. Also, I think our cable is out. No Blazers game.

Wow this was as uneventful as it was pessimistic maybe moreso. Whoops. Oh well. I'm going to reacquaint myself with my favorite show ever tonight. Yay season 5...

Now I'm going to shower and go to bed. I know, so exciting. I DID go to Trader Joe's tonight, which always makes me feel a little better. I bought cleaning supplies. Mmmm.

Today, I have been thinking about my past relationships.

Steve: Why don't you want to date Adam? He seems like a nice guy.
Me: He likes me way too much.
Steve: Ah, I forgot. You like your guys like, "meh."

Ben: I've noticed a dating pattern for you. You either date guys who are totally obsessed and completely in love with you or guys that couldn't care less. It's either one extreme or the other.

Regardless of their affinity or lackof towards me, almost all of them can play the guitar. <3 I am playing more guitar, because now I have an amp. I want to learn "Strong Enough" and "2 days in February." These are my current missions. Patrick and I play together. Right now I'm watching the Vikings slaughter Detroit.

Going to bed. Tomorrow=beach. I'm psyched.

On Monday, I got in the elevator with this lady. The doors closed, and she looked over at me.

"Do we really want to do this?" she half joked, smiling.
"I don't think we really have a choice," I grinned back, and we both laughed.

Wednesday, I was in it and reminded someone that we were halfway to Friday.
"Thanks," she said, "I feel better."

Today, I got on the elevator to go back up to go home. Another lady was there.
"I could take the stairs," I mused, "but I just don't want to."
"Yes," she said. "Tomorrow I could run up the stairs."
"Well, that's because we have all this energy for the long weekend ahead. On the bright side," I said, "it's almost Friday. I've been looking forward to this since..."
"Monday?" she guessed.
"Yeah, actually."
"Yes," she said, "me too."

I like my little elevator chats.

I feel like giving a detailed, boring account of my morning. Brett Easton Ellis style. But that would take freaking forever, and I have things to do. Sort of.

"John Hope Franklin, the distinguished historian said, 'You could say that I worked every minute of my life, or you could say with equal justice that I never worked a day. I have always subscribed to the expression "Thank God it's Friday," because to me Friday means I can work for the next two days without interruption.' "

I'm going to try my hand at coffee again, but I might just go out.

I had coffee yesterday, because I was really tired. Since I don't have a great deal of sugar anymore, I estimated that part of the issue could be that I get these grandiose mochas and then feel like feces. Wtf? A few weeks ago, I had a less satisfying (but still moreso than none) decaf latte, and I didn't feel the wrath. Yesterday, I had a decaf americano, and guess what? No freaking out. So maybe it's more of a sugar issue...

I'm going to try again today. I hate anticipating the coming of a caffiene spazzfest. It's like a mini-apocalypse for my heart.

I'm going to pass out. Sleep time...

Nothing like a good ol' cry after you've been awake all night. What a relief.

Watched Henry Fool with Matt and Ben last night. I was in an awful mood the first time I saw that movie, because Steve had started dating Molly and failed to inform me and then denied it. Matt had just gotten dumped by Alicia. I enjoyed the movie far more this time.

Saw the tv show Glee. I really like it. I wish I could resume a semi-normal sleeping regime. Not that it would fix all my problems, but it would definitely make things more manageable.

I forgot to mention this, but I will 'cuz it's funny. A couple weeks ago, I was at Patrick's. When I'm over there, which is pretty much all the time, it gets really crowded with Ian, Tameka, Patrick, and I in the kitchen. As far as who makes the most food in the kitchen, it's Tameka (who makes lots of stews and veggies and salads AND bakes), then me (chicken/beef/rice and salad) or Patrick (same as mine), and lastly Ian (who only ever makes fish or mac and cheese).

I had a big pan of grease that I needed to drain (I think I'd made taco meat and probably threw up later from it). I saw a cup sitting by the sink and so (since I naturally assume that all cups left in the close vicinity to the sink area are dirty) I poured the fat into it. It dried up and looked awesome, and I hoped that someone would drink it. I'm going to tell you right now, nobody did which made me sad. I'm telling you this, because I don't want you to be dissappointed when you come to the end of the story.

A couple days later, we were sitting in the living room watching the Simpsons. I went into the kitchen and saw a cup behind the coffee pot. Tameka is particular about making sure we all do our own dishes, so I frequently put any cups I see by the dishwasher in the sink.

"Uhhh, why is there a cup behind the coffee maker?" I ask.
"DON'T PUT IT IN THE DISHWASHER!" Patrick exclaimed, jumping up.
"Why?" I asked.

"Because," Patrick said, "I keep leaving glasses by the sink, and you put them away." Patrick's idiosyncratic tendency is to go the kitchen to chug water (he can't drink it in a glass, he HAS to chug it) by the sink and then return to it at a later time. I carry my glass of water around, and if I don't tell him it's there, he will promptly knock it over anywhere from 1 second to 3 minutes UNLESS I tell him it's there.

"That's silly," I said, "be like me."
"I don't want to have like 3 glasses surrounding the computer or couch," Patrick objected. "I want to chug my water and return." He paused. "I moved it there, because last time, instead of putting it away, you poured fat into my glass."

I started laughing, "that was you!??"
"Yes," Patrick said, "I used a specific cup and told Tameka not to put it in the dishwasher."
"I didn't," I said.
"No, you poured fat into it, which was worse. I was kinda sad," Patrick said.

So now when I see a cup behind the coffee maker, I shake my head and just leave it there. I remember this story every time I drain fat now...not into Patrick's glass.

I need to go to bed earlier than I have all week. Last night was nuts. WHenever I go to bed late, I sleep too much and have to drive to work. And then i'm usually stressed and exhausted all day. Which is dumb.

Last night, Candi was in town and I got to see her. It was nice, although under bad circumstances as her dad is very sick with cancer right now. Jesse was there too as was Stephanie. It was a good night. People never change. Like, seriously, they don't. I don't mean this as a bad thing or necessarily as a good thing, but I just think it's true. It becomes more true the older I get. Very few people change. A lot of times, people don't change, but you just come to realizations about them. And then you're like, "damn, this has always been true and I JUST realized it."

I'm going to have to break down and put Mad Men on our que. What can I say? I am a peer pressure whore. Also, it looks really good.

Dear World Market,

I am sad that you don't have a gift registry. Also, stop being so addicting. You are making me want "house type" items and are making me wish I made double of what I made now. This is unfair. I don't even NEED a $100 plastic tree. Don't make me buy one!

Your obsessed fan,
Ashley

I love the people with whom I work. They are awesome. Two of our people have PTO right now. Half of us go to lunch early, the other half go later. Which means, lots of gossip. I have missed work gossip. Everyone is incredibly understanding, and thus far, no one has thrown me into the deep end, which is something I greatly appreciate.

Halfway through Invisible Monsters. Got a bunch of books from the library, some craft books (as in arts and crafts, I have a woodburning one and how to make stuff out of cardboard which sounded too weirdly cool to pass up), and a couple of other neat ones.

I've also been cooking more now that the weather is getting cooler again. Patrick and Ian have a shitload of oatmeal and I have a shitload of oatmeal and NO ONE EATS IT. Hence, I've resolved to make oatmeal cookies. Also, Patrick's grandma sent him a bunch of baking supplies before she passed away, and I think it's important to her and for her, that I make us cookies. Hehe.

Yesterday night I made lemon chicken. Tonight, I tried to make bbq chicken, but found out halfway through the sauce-making that we didn't have half the ingredients I needed. So, I improvised and made something more like the sauce my grandma used to make for cornish gamehen. It was really effing good. I used worchester powder, red pepper, garlic powder, mustard, soy sauce, ketchup, and salt. Holy shit that thing has kick to it!!

Tomorrow, I'm going to try California Pizza Kitchen's bbq chicken pizza. Now it's time to go to bed.

Today, we went to our church picnic. Then we went to the Hawthorne street fair. SO. Much. Fun!

Yesterday, picked some stuff up at world market. Tameka had a really bad headache, and patrick and I watched from dusk 'til dawn, which is a weird movie. Now I'm exhausted and listening to the Amy Winehouse cd that I finally caved and bought today at a yard sale for a very reasonable price.

Forgot to mention, Thriftway rocks, because I told them they should sell Steaz. And NOW they do. Only in the flavors that I like, because I requested it.

They gained some customer service points.

Also, updated my layout for the first time in like...4 years? Yeah.

I'm writing after I said I wouldn't write. But I honestly believed that, which doesn't make me a liar, it makes me...shit, what's the word for people who believe their own lies? Justification? Fuck, I read Mistakes Were Made, but Not By Me. I read that word a billion times, and I think it's self-justification or something like that. I will rewrite this entry when i remember the damn word.

Last weekday of freedom. I spent it laying on the couch. I didn't feel too well. Reading, watching tv, making rice pilaf, and preparing for the death of my daytime self-centered universe. That will continue to happen, but it will be of a different venue now. Boyfriend and I went on a bike ride. I had to hold back my wrath. I will start some sort of exercise regime again. I will probably hate it. But I MIGHT feel better. We'll see. Wow, I'm really freaking tired. So tired that I almost wrote reakkin, which is really + freaking.

Good night you guys.

Got a job. Goin' to bed.